I"m reading "Lost & Found...The Adoption Experience" by Betty Lifton. I know, I can not seem to get over the subject. lol. Anyways, I just got reading "not knowing your geneaology, adoptive parents cannot understand the significance of the adoptees skills nor envisage his potentials... Adoptees must get to know their biological parents AND extended family"
This gets me thinking in the shower... "wow! I love my Aunts and Uncle, cousins, my own biological mother, Grandmother and pa, and most certainly that Great Grandmother Cheshire. I then drift into appreciation for each and every one of them... My aunt Kathy who has the same love for travel as I; My drop dead gorgeous aunt Jerry, I love her humor, I love her double aunt status that provided a son that gives me a peek of how I could have looked if my step dad was my biological father. For you see my auntie Jerry had married my step dad's brother and had my cousin, my cuz cuz; My aunt Linda, who taught me how sensitive and sweet someone can be past the tough exterior; My mother, what courage and confidence! Being a teen mom that chose against adoption and raised my sister and I; My aunt Susan, its okay for us to be oblivious to our husband's companies and business dealings; My aunt Gay, the quieter one, very much like my sister, I love her humor, I love how warm I feel whenever I am around her; My aunt Jan, my twin at some angles, showed me how resilient and strong us women can be, us Quigleys are survivors and leaders!; My Uncle Mick, a perfect example of how my sons are to treat us women, Quigley or otherwise; My other twin, aunt Bonnie. The youngest of the bunch, the one who I resonate most with. Not only did she have my twin cousin, she has lived many examples which has brought me such divine wisdom to how I should handle situations in my life and to act out of love rather than judgment; My many cousins who are all living similar parts to my life; My grandmother, another twin to my sister...soft, gentle and always listening for a good story; My grandpa, helps me understand the dysfunctional cycle that is inherited to break and heal from by awareness; last but not least, one of the women that continued it all... Great Grandma Cheshire, what an amazing strong woman she was who has orphan/abandonment stories in her life that help me understand more versions of "adoption/foster/orphan".
I just had to blog and acknowledge how I am so blessed and grateful to have history to half of me. My only desire is to now gain the other half. To get to know my biological heritage even further by meeting my biological paternal grandmother that lost her son, my father, to adoption, would be complete. I can not wait to add to my family, the new uncles, aunts, cousins and grandparents of old. I am very excited to get to know, ME.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
Another "Law of Attraction"
I have just found an album that I have not been able to find to replace since vinyl, just because they went out of print when vinyl records went to cassette tape.
Lions & Ghosts were a band ahead of their time in 1986 and were on the verge to becoming something huge along with Camper Van Beethoven, the Replacements and R.E.M. Unlike aforementioned bands, Lions & Ghosts took the advice of the mainstream airwave DJ's instead of college based DJ's (who thought the band was tailored made for campus stations). With their second album release they changed their sounds from "too understated and moody for mass acceptance" to "more of a straightforward, roots-rock approach". It didn't sell and that was the end of Lions & Ghosts. I never forgot about Lions & Ghosts.
In 1986 I had moved to California to live with my father...
who is an adoptee, married my mother because they got pregnant with me when they were 17, divorced when I was 4 because he had a temper that grew to extreme rages, wanted her to baby him like she was his mother but wanted to have control over her as if she were his possession. He constantly had friends over... being the guy with the pad to hang out have keggers and get high on drugs... My mother being a great doting mother to me and my sister opted to get out of the unhealthy relationship. After the divorce, my mother found a great man to take good care of her and her girls. My daddy became daddy Randy, then just Randy. Being an adoptee it was too much rejection having his only known blood relatives be separated from him and then legally reject him by getting adopted to my step dad who took over the shoes that he was incapable to fill... "DAD".
So anyways, back to 1986 when my sister and I moved to California to live with Randy. I had just relinquished my first born son up for adoption at the age of 16...
back then, "if you loved your baby you did the most unselfish thing and gave him a better life with two parents that had good jobs to be able to give this baby a better life than a teenager could ever give them"... i loved my baby, so out of lack of resources of knowing that ultimately all this baby needed was my love, lack of confidence that all the other stuff would fall into place... I chose to place my baby up for adoption with my mother supporting me with the same lack of resources to let her know that all this baby needed was her love and lacked her own confidence... being a teen mother herself who chose to keep her baby, married the guy, divorced... thought she could give her first born grandson a better life than she thought she was able to give her girls...
There is a method to how the universe works... when you look back at your blood heritage, you can definitely see a pattern... here is one of mine... my mother got pregnant at a young age became a teen mother. She married my father who is an adoptee... Because of the side effects of adoption, she had to get out of the marriage and without knowing the side effects of adoption, the cycle was repeated and she lost her first born grandson up for adoption and he became a repeated cycle of Randy, my father.
Luckily, the universe interrupted the repeated path of my father, Randy who has had an ongoing problem with drugs... now a days his drugs are legally prescribed... whatever... anyways, unlike my father, my son was blessed with being reunited with his original mother... ME. By being able to identify with who he is and know he is loveable because I can't help but love him as the son of mine he truly is, my son healed and changed his path to a healthy path.
Anyways, back to my whole point of my story that totally goes along with things coming full circle starting with my "aha"... through finding Lions & Ghosts on the internet after all these years and hearing their songs for the first time since we used to listen to them via record (ya record, that is what we listened to on Randy's biggest furniture item - his record player, with the hugest speakers ever made). It got me thinking... "ya know, we always want what we can't have".
I found this to be true when I moved to Texas and was in the mood for cinnamon bears (a gummy candy not to be mistaken as a roll, as was the case in Texas)... I looked and looked for a bag of the delicious candy, realizing for the first time that I had such a like for the item. I came to the realization that you cannot find a cinnamon bear anywhere in the state of Texas... Unable to have choice that I eat this candy or not, I became quite obsessed/addicted whichever way you see it. Every time I came home to Utah for a visit I would bring an empty suitcase to fill with 10 pd bags of cinnamon bears to take home to Texas. Cinnamon bears became all that I ate when I lived in Texas. As soon as I move back home to Utah 2 years later, the addiction/obsession has subsided... I can drive to the local grocery store anytime, anywhere in Utah and purchase a bag of cinnamon bears. I seriously rarely eat them now.
So... I just found Lions & Ghosts the album that I have craved to listen to for 24 years... as good as it was to hear them and I am glad I have them on my ipod, I rarely listen to them and realize they were not as hard to live without as I was thinking, they were just unobtainable to me like cinnamon bears.
The thing it got me focused on was my book... I have plenty of publishers asking me to publish with them for such and such money that I could pay them to publish my book. They basically will publish anyone that would pay them. I have been passing out my story to those that ask to hear it. I just got back from an adoption conference in New York City where there were many people affected by adoption that have wrote their story. Everyone has a story, so what is so different about mine... it is unobtainable at the moment which is putting more desire energy on it...I am handing it out for free on my dime to mail it all over the USA... My focus is on bringing awareness, not making money.
I have made a new friend that gave me the greatest message... "It's all about love. If we say it in love, if we are motivated by love, we stay on the right track."
Conclusion to my thoughts... Look forward to seeing my book published available on the shelves at bookstores, libraries and internet soon. Without a doubt in my mind, I know a publisher will find out about my book and offer to publish without me having to pay them.
Lions & Ghosts were a band ahead of their time in 1986 and were on the verge to becoming something huge along with Camper Van Beethoven, the Replacements and R.E.M. Unlike aforementioned bands, Lions & Ghosts took the advice of the mainstream airwave DJ's instead of college based DJ's (who thought the band was tailored made for campus stations). With their second album release they changed their sounds from "too understated and moody for mass acceptance" to "more of a straightforward, roots-rock approach". It didn't sell and that was the end of Lions & Ghosts. I never forgot about Lions & Ghosts.
In 1986 I had moved to California to live with my father...
who is an adoptee, married my mother because they got pregnant with me when they were 17, divorced when I was 4 because he had a temper that grew to extreme rages, wanted her to baby him like she was his mother but wanted to have control over her as if she were his possession. He constantly had friends over... being the guy with the pad to hang out have keggers and get high on drugs... My mother being a great doting mother to me and my sister opted to get out of the unhealthy relationship. After the divorce, my mother found a great man to take good care of her and her girls. My daddy became daddy Randy, then just Randy. Being an adoptee it was too much rejection having his only known blood relatives be separated from him and then legally reject him by getting adopted to my step dad who took over the shoes that he was incapable to fill... "DAD".
So anyways, back to 1986 when my sister and I moved to California to live with Randy. I had just relinquished my first born son up for adoption at the age of 16...
back then, "if you loved your baby you did the most unselfish thing and gave him a better life with two parents that had good jobs to be able to give this baby a better life than a teenager could ever give them"... i loved my baby, so out of lack of resources of knowing that ultimately all this baby needed was my love, lack of confidence that all the other stuff would fall into place... I chose to place my baby up for adoption with my mother supporting me with the same lack of resources to let her know that all this baby needed was her love and lacked her own confidence... being a teen mother herself who chose to keep her baby, married the guy, divorced... thought she could give her first born grandson a better life than she thought she was able to give her girls...
There is a method to how the universe works... when you look back at your blood heritage, you can definitely see a pattern... here is one of mine... my mother got pregnant at a young age became a teen mother. She married my father who is an adoptee... Because of the side effects of adoption, she had to get out of the marriage and without knowing the side effects of adoption, the cycle was repeated and she lost her first born grandson up for adoption and he became a repeated cycle of Randy, my father.
Luckily, the universe interrupted the repeated path of my father, Randy who has had an ongoing problem with drugs... now a days his drugs are legally prescribed... whatever... anyways, unlike my father, my son was blessed with being reunited with his original mother... ME. By being able to identify with who he is and know he is loveable because I can't help but love him as the son of mine he truly is, my son healed and changed his path to a healthy path.
Anyways, back to my whole point of my story that totally goes along with things coming full circle starting with my "aha"... through finding Lions & Ghosts on the internet after all these years and hearing their songs for the first time since we used to listen to them via record (ya record, that is what we listened to on Randy's biggest furniture item - his record player, with the hugest speakers ever made). It got me thinking... "ya know, we always want what we can't have".
I found this to be true when I moved to Texas and was in the mood for cinnamon bears (a gummy candy not to be mistaken as a roll, as was the case in Texas)... I looked and looked for a bag of the delicious candy, realizing for the first time that I had such a like for the item. I came to the realization that you cannot find a cinnamon bear anywhere in the state of Texas... Unable to have choice that I eat this candy or not, I became quite obsessed/addicted whichever way you see it. Every time I came home to Utah for a visit I would bring an empty suitcase to fill with 10 pd bags of cinnamon bears to take home to Texas. Cinnamon bears became all that I ate when I lived in Texas. As soon as I move back home to Utah 2 years later, the addiction/obsession has subsided... I can drive to the local grocery store anytime, anywhere in Utah and purchase a bag of cinnamon bears. I seriously rarely eat them now.
So... I just found Lions & Ghosts the album that I have craved to listen to for 24 years... as good as it was to hear them and I am glad I have them on my ipod, I rarely listen to them and realize they were not as hard to live without as I was thinking, they were just unobtainable to me like cinnamon bears.
The thing it got me focused on was my book... I have plenty of publishers asking me to publish with them for such and such money that I could pay them to publish my book. They basically will publish anyone that would pay them. I have been passing out my story to those that ask to hear it. I just got back from an adoption conference in New York City where there were many people affected by adoption that have wrote their story. Everyone has a story, so what is so different about mine... it is unobtainable at the moment which is putting more desire energy on it...I am handing it out for free on my dime to mail it all over the USA... My focus is on bringing awareness, not making money.
I have made a new friend that gave me the greatest message... "It's all about love. If we say it in love, if we are motivated by love, we stay on the right track."
Conclusion to my thoughts... Look forward to seeing my book published available on the shelves at bookstores, libraries and internet soon. Without a doubt in my mind, I know a publisher will find out about my book and offer to publish without me having to pay them.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
My Story
So let me get you up to speed where I am at in my life.
I have been reunited with my first born son for 5 years. We went through the whole cycle of reunite; honeymoon, reality, rejection and cant live without you. February 2009 made it 3 going on 4 years reunited. February 2009, he left to go on an LDS mission. It has been 18 months since I have seen my son. I have written him faithfully and have sent numerous packages which only half, if I am lucky, make it.
It has given me a total perspection of an open adoption. You may write them frequently, send packages, talk to them twice a year on the phone, but go a very long time without seeing him, hugging him, kissing him, having real conversations with him, most of all living life with him.
I seriously dont think I will ever get over placing my baby up for adoption.
People are constantly telling me, "Just be grateful you have him back in your life! You are so blessed! What a great story!"
Is it though? Such a great story that I designed this perfect plot I call my life...
I am blessed in so many ways and I realize that to really know something, you have to really live the opposite of it to be grateful for it.
With that said... I am extremely grateful for the quality time I spend with my other two children.
I turned down the opportunity God gave me to spend quality time with my first born son because of lack of confidence that I could not give this baby what he needed...like; nice clothes, a nice place to live, a happy functioning family, lots of toys, music lessons, basically... important opportunities in life.
If I would have known that all this baby needed was my love and the rest would fall into place, there would be such a different "story".
I have been reunited with my first born son for 5 years. We went through the whole cycle of reunite; honeymoon, reality, rejection and cant live without you. February 2009 made it 3 going on 4 years reunited. February 2009, he left to go on an LDS mission. It has been 18 months since I have seen my son. I have written him faithfully and have sent numerous packages which only half, if I am lucky, make it.
It has given me a total perspection of an open adoption. You may write them frequently, send packages, talk to them twice a year on the phone, but go a very long time without seeing him, hugging him, kissing him, having real conversations with him, most of all living life with him.
I seriously dont think I will ever get over placing my baby up for adoption.
People are constantly telling me, "Just be grateful you have him back in your life! You are so blessed! What a great story!"
Is it though? Such a great story that I designed this perfect plot I call my life...
I am blessed in so many ways and I realize that to really know something, you have to really live the opposite of it to be grateful for it.
With that said... I am extremely grateful for the quality time I spend with my other two children.
I turned down the opportunity God gave me to spend quality time with my first born son because of lack of confidence that I could not give this baby what he needed...like; nice clothes, a nice place to live, a happy functioning family, lots of toys, music lessons, basically... important opportunities in life.
If I would have known that all this baby needed was my love and the rest would fall into place, there would be such a different "story".
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Enjoy Children Distracting You
We are all moved in!!! I cannot say enough how perfect life is for me right now. I thank the universe, angels, fairies and God for rewarding me so well for my hardships and challenging life I have traveled so far.
I still have hardships I deal with... without them life would be over, right... but being in this new home, I refer to as fairytopia, I am able to deal with the bull s--t and let my sanctuary fill me with the positive energy it flows with.
I have a lot to do, unpacking, painting, cleaning, etc... but I am able to let it sit and still be there for me later. Its summer and I live in a very fairlicious neighborhood. How can I resist walking to the neighborhood pool on such gorgeous days. I haven't walked in the neighborhood for travel to get somewhere since before I obtained a driver's license.
My daughter had a sleepover...
We have become very good friends with the Fords, they live in the same high exhausting energy our family lives in. Typically, people - whether they are family or friends - get very exhausted by our extremeness. It is refreshing to find a family that runs on the same voltage.
Anyway... the girls wanted to check out the neighborhood pool. Its a bit of a walk, but I had just finished my Wayne Dyer book about living the Tao and one of the ending statements is we need to walk more and use technology less. I took this opportunity to "live the Tao" and hey, I wanted to connect to this luscious area like a child does on a walk. Us adults miss so many roses to smell driving by in a car.
What a refreshing time I had! I was 10 again. We picked and ate fresh raspberries (accidently ate a bug), admired horses, chased peacocks, spied on snakes, chatted with neighbors, explored jungles waded through a creek and ran through sprinklers.
I still have unpacking, painting and cleaning waiting for me but how blessed am I that three little girls distracted me and invited me to join their world. I encourage all to do as the Tao suggests, live more simple and innocent like a child.
I still have hardships I deal with... without them life would be over, right... but being in this new home, I refer to as fairytopia, I am able to deal with the bull s--t and let my sanctuary fill me with the positive energy it flows with.
I have a lot to do, unpacking, painting, cleaning, etc... but I am able to let it sit and still be there for me later. Its summer and I live in a very fairlicious neighborhood. How can I resist walking to the neighborhood pool on such gorgeous days. I haven't walked in the neighborhood for travel to get somewhere since before I obtained a driver's license.
My daughter had a sleepover...
We have become very good friends with the Fords, they live in the same high exhausting energy our family lives in. Typically, people - whether they are family or friends - get very exhausted by our extremeness. It is refreshing to find a family that runs on the same voltage.
Anyway... the girls wanted to check out the neighborhood pool. Its a bit of a walk, but I had just finished my Wayne Dyer book about living the Tao and one of the ending statements is we need to walk more and use technology less. I took this opportunity to "live the Tao" and hey, I wanted to connect to this luscious area like a child does on a walk. Us adults miss so many roses to smell driving by in a car.
What a refreshing time I had! I was 10 again. We picked and ate fresh raspberries (accidently ate a bug), admired horses, chased peacocks, spied on snakes, chatted with neighbors, explored jungles waded through a creek and ran through sprinklers.
I still have unpacking, painting and cleaning waiting for me but how blessed am I that three little girls distracted me and invited me to join their world. I encourage all to do as the Tao suggests, live more simple and innocent like a child.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Gifts at the Laundry Mat
I had an amazing experience at the laundry mat...
I have been busy packing up our house. We don't have any idea where we are going to end up yet, but we are to be out June 30th.
We have been renting for 2 years in a wonderful house that welcomed me and my family from the moment I set foot in the door.
As the universe would have it, this was just a pit stop for added healing for our family.
The home owners have decided they would like to move back and not proceed on the sale. As much as I have loved this home, I can see how it is time to move on.
Our family has moved often. My son likes to announce, "I have been to eleven school and I am only in 7th grade."... No, we have not moved eleven times... he just is pretty particular where he attends.
This home has been wonderful for our family. The ward and neighbors are the best I have ever experienced! I am so thankful for the Olsen's sharing their home with us. It is a true gift from them... to take a holiday from their home and have it be ours for 2 years... what a blessing for them to be able to return.
I have been looking and looking for the house that is to be our next home. The craziest thing... NOTHING is out there. All the homes are in foreclosure or short sales... which are not short at all,... We got 30 days!!! Even though we are prequalified, we are running into universe road blocks everywhere.
The house that we found that felt like THE one, fell through. At first it seemed ideal. It would be available the same time we needed and they would rent to us first to allow time to do the paperwork for the sale.
We pay the $35.00 for the credit check, its approved and then our honesty about having a dog sours the deal... No way, they have had a very bad experience having a tenant with a dog... We invite them to come see where we live and see how the dog is totally not an issue.
We offer to enter a contract to purchase the home after 6 months of leasing.
They counter offer stating... $10,000 down non refundable to go toward the sale, but forfeited if we didn't purchase after a year.
We accept...
And then they countered adding another $5,000...
We walked away from the deal.
I can not find any home available to us.
I continue to pack breaking down my house and today I am at the laundry mat washing large bedding. I am not very familiar with laundry mats. The only way I even know where one exists is thanks to Justin... Steve didn't want Justin's work clothes to be done in our washer. So, Justin obediently found a laundry mat close to our home and had asked me to drive him to the laundry mat so he could wash his clothes one time.
I couldn't recall how much it takes to wash a load or dry for that matter... I had collected eight dollars worth of quarters out of our jar and Steve had given me 2 quarters and off I went with no other cash than $8.50 in quarters.
I load up the washer and realize just to wash a load would be $7.50. Oh wells, I will just be able to dry for $1.00 worth. I sit down and read Doreen Virtue's, "The Light Workers Way". Enjoying nearing the end, reading how simple it truly is and realizing how much her words ring familiar and true to me.
The washer finishes up and I pull the comforter out and my first tug exposes a wet dollar. I instantly acknowledge this gift from the angels. It is a miracle, how a dollar would get in my comforter, that i had just stripped off my bed and loaded in the car.
I smile and thank my angels, knowing my stuff must need to take $2 worth to dry. Sure enough, I get over there and I need $1 more. I go to the change machine and it won't take my wet dollar. I go out to find a neighboring business to see if I could trade them a dollar, and they are closed... At that moment a lady came out of the laundry mat and I ask her if she has spare quarters in exchange for a wet dollar.
She happily whips out four quarters and asks if I needed more... for you see, the change machine had given her an extra dollar in quarters and she said she even had an extra dollar even if I just wanted to keep my wet dollar.
I thank her saying, "No, im good, here is my wet dollar. thank you so much."
What a wonderful experience at the laundry mat. How can I deny the gifts.. that dollar out of nowhere... the (angel) lady leaving the laundry mat appearing out of nowhere... the extra free quarters given to her from the laundry mat that she was willing to add to my pocket...
Such a pleasant experience... knowing that these wonderful pleasant friendly people I am always encountering... I do know on a deeper level than just this physical experience and we chose to say hello at the... gas station, grocery store, bank... or my favorite... the laundry mat.
I have been busy packing up our house. We don't have any idea where we are going to end up yet, but we are to be out June 30th.
We have been renting for 2 years in a wonderful house that welcomed me and my family from the moment I set foot in the door.
As the universe would have it, this was just a pit stop for added healing for our family.
The home owners have decided they would like to move back and not proceed on the sale. As much as I have loved this home, I can see how it is time to move on.
Our family has moved often. My son likes to announce, "I have been to eleven school and I am only in 7th grade."... No, we have not moved eleven times... he just is pretty particular where he attends.
This home has been wonderful for our family. The ward and neighbors are the best I have ever experienced! I am so thankful for the Olsen's sharing their home with us. It is a true gift from them... to take a holiday from their home and have it be ours for 2 years... what a blessing for them to be able to return.
I have been looking and looking for the house that is to be our next home. The craziest thing... NOTHING is out there. All the homes are in foreclosure or short sales... which are not short at all,... We got 30 days!!! Even though we are prequalified, we are running into universe road blocks everywhere.
The house that we found that felt like THE one, fell through. At first it seemed ideal. It would be available the same time we needed and they would rent to us first to allow time to do the paperwork for the sale.
We pay the $35.00 for the credit check, its approved and then our honesty about having a dog sours the deal... No way, they have had a very bad experience having a tenant with a dog... We invite them to come see where we live and see how the dog is totally not an issue.
We offer to enter a contract to purchase the home after 6 months of leasing.
They counter offer stating... $10,000 down non refundable to go toward the sale, but forfeited if we didn't purchase after a year.
We accept...
And then they countered adding another $5,000...
We walked away from the deal.
I can not find any home available to us.
I continue to pack breaking down my house and today I am at the laundry mat washing large bedding. I am not very familiar with laundry mats. The only way I even know where one exists is thanks to Justin... Steve didn't want Justin's work clothes to be done in our washer. So, Justin obediently found a laundry mat close to our home and had asked me to drive him to the laundry mat so he could wash his clothes one time.
I couldn't recall how much it takes to wash a load or dry for that matter... I had collected eight dollars worth of quarters out of our jar and Steve had given me 2 quarters and off I went with no other cash than $8.50 in quarters.
I load up the washer and realize just to wash a load would be $7.50. Oh wells, I will just be able to dry for $1.00 worth. I sit down and read Doreen Virtue's, "The Light Workers Way". Enjoying nearing the end, reading how simple it truly is and realizing how much her words ring familiar and true to me.
The washer finishes up and I pull the comforter out and my first tug exposes a wet dollar. I instantly acknowledge this gift from the angels. It is a miracle, how a dollar would get in my comforter, that i had just stripped off my bed and loaded in the car.
I smile and thank my angels, knowing my stuff must need to take $2 worth to dry. Sure enough, I get over there and I need $1 more. I go to the change machine and it won't take my wet dollar. I go out to find a neighboring business to see if I could trade them a dollar, and they are closed... At that moment a lady came out of the laundry mat and I ask her if she has spare quarters in exchange for a wet dollar.
She happily whips out four quarters and asks if I needed more... for you see, the change machine had given her an extra dollar in quarters and she said she even had an extra dollar even if I just wanted to keep my wet dollar.
I thank her saying, "No, im good, here is my wet dollar. thank you so much."
What a wonderful experience at the laundry mat. How can I deny the gifts.. that dollar out of nowhere... the (angel) lady leaving the laundry mat appearing out of nowhere... the extra free quarters given to her from the laundry mat that she was willing to add to my pocket...
Such a pleasant experience... knowing that these wonderful pleasant friendly people I am always encountering... I do know on a deeper level than just this physical experience and we chose to say hello at the... gas station, grocery store, bank... or my favorite... the laundry mat.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Love and Light to ALL "birth" mothers out there.
Had a great Memorial weekend! We didn't go on vacation for once. We stayed home, cleaning and getting ready to move. On Monday, my husband has a new friend that invited the family over for a barbecue.
We had a really good time. Instantly, our families got along. Throughout our visit, I became clear on "their story". Their story is so parallel to our story in so many ways. One way in particular, I am a birth mother who has had a pretty successful reunite with my birth son. My husband's friend is an adoptee that has had a not so pretty successful reunite with his birth mother.
Throughout our visit, we were able to share the perspective of the other side... the view from a birth mother... and the view from the adopted side. I was thankful for MY situation for once... I chose to place my son up for adoption even though I feel I was brainwashed by societies thinking... I could not possible raise my baby being a teenager... even though my parents were comfortably well off... if I love my baby, I will give him a better life and place him up for adoption... I have had a hard time healing from, what I feel... my baby being legally kidnapped from me in the name of adoption.
But to hear about a birth mother who was a year older than me, 17, have no choice to keep or place her baby. She was taken to a home for unmarried pregnant women... left there by her parents (abandoned)... was not told that her baby was being placed because her parents signed her rights away to her baby because she was months shy of being an adult... after giving birth to her son and holding him with joy and love exploding in her heart as any mother feels... the nurses tell her that the baby needs a bath and takes him away from her... for her to never see again or even be able to say good bye.
It saddened my heart immensely to hear that the reunion did not go so well. The birth mother was a little too suffocating and too emotionally needy, it is too much for their family to welcome her in their life as much as the birth mother would like.
This saddened me even further. Being a birth mother and knowing firsthand how much I love my first born son that I placed up for adoption. Knowing how much I pine to cradle him, hold him, make up for lost time of adoring him, thinking... if I were that birth mother... I would be a wreck! I can barely handle the rejection from my son's adopted parents, but to even think of my son rejecting me and not allowing me be in his life as much as I presently desire to be in my son's life... HEARTBREAKING... not to mention that this birth mother totally had her baby legally kidnapped in the name of adoption.
The sadder thing about the situation for me... to hear how there is no understanding for the birth mother... the focus is always on the feelings of the adoptive parents because they were such devoted parents... and if the birth mother would have raised him, he would be basically a loser, supposedly.
My husband's friend had been adopted by a wealthy family and has been able to be provided for in every way imaginable... they don't realize... he would have been just as successful in life... probably even more so... because he would have had the unconditional love that comes naturally from the original mother... the side effects from the primal wound of being separated from your mother as an infant would not have affected him in life.
Even though I did not go on that subject...tonight... it totally dawned on me on how much this world needs to be brought awareness from the birth mother's perspective. There is only one difference in losing your child up for adoption and having your baby kidnapped... there is an unspoken justification that you don't have your baby because... it is "your consequence for your behavior".
The heartache and sorrow of your baby being taken away from you, is the same physical sorrow of any mother that has her baby kidnapped/taken/separated from her days old... but as a "birth" mother, it is not acceptable to honor your loss and feelings of pain and sorrow... because you brought the situation upon yourself.
I left the barbq with love in my heart for a birth mother in Connecticut.
I constantly question if I should go public with my book, or forget about it just like all generations of old have.
I'm sorry folks, when I hear other peoples stories, I have to speak out.
Love and Light to everyone involved in Adoption
We had a really good time. Instantly, our families got along. Throughout our visit, I became clear on "their story". Their story is so parallel to our story in so many ways. One way in particular, I am a birth mother who has had a pretty successful reunite with my birth son. My husband's friend is an adoptee that has had a not so pretty successful reunite with his birth mother.
Throughout our visit, we were able to share the perspective of the other side... the view from a birth mother... and the view from the adopted side. I was thankful for MY situation for once... I chose to place my son up for adoption even though I feel I was brainwashed by societies thinking... I could not possible raise my baby being a teenager... even though my parents were comfortably well off... if I love my baby, I will give him a better life and place him up for adoption... I have had a hard time healing from, what I feel... my baby being legally kidnapped from me in the name of adoption.
But to hear about a birth mother who was a year older than me, 17, have no choice to keep or place her baby. She was taken to a home for unmarried pregnant women... left there by her parents (abandoned)... was not told that her baby was being placed because her parents signed her rights away to her baby because she was months shy of being an adult... after giving birth to her son and holding him with joy and love exploding in her heart as any mother feels... the nurses tell her that the baby needs a bath and takes him away from her... for her to never see again or even be able to say good bye.
It saddened my heart immensely to hear that the reunion did not go so well. The birth mother was a little too suffocating and too emotionally needy, it is too much for their family to welcome her in their life as much as the birth mother would like.
This saddened me even further. Being a birth mother and knowing firsthand how much I love my first born son that I placed up for adoption. Knowing how much I pine to cradle him, hold him, make up for lost time of adoring him, thinking... if I were that birth mother... I would be a wreck! I can barely handle the rejection from my son's adopted parents, but to even think of my son rejecting me and not allowing me be in his life as much as I presently desire to be in my son's life... HEARTBREAKING... not to mention that this birth mother totally had her baby legally kidnapped in the name of adoption.
The sadder thing about the situation for me... to hear how there is no understanding for the birth mother... the focus is always on the feelings of the adoptive parents because they were such devoted parents... and if the birth mother would have raised him, he would be basically a loser, supposedly.
My husband's friend had been adopted by a wealthy family and has been able to be provided for in every way imaginable... they don't realize... he would have been just as successful in life... probably even more so... because he would have had the unconditional love that comes naturally from the original mother... the side effects from the primal wound of being separated from your mother as an infant would not have affected him in life.
Even though I did not go on that subject...tonight... it totally dawned on me on how much this world needs to be brought awareness from the birth mother's perspective. There is only one difference in losing your child up for adoption and having your baby kidnapped... there is an unspoken justification that you don't have your baby because... it is "your consequence for your behavior".
The heartache and sorrow of your baby being taken away from you, is the same physical sorrow of any mother that has her baby kidnapped/taken/separated from her days old... but as a "birth" mother, it is not acceptable to honor your loss and feelings of pain and sorrow... because you brought the situation upon yourself.
I left the barbq with love in my heart for a birth mother in Connecticut.
I constantly question if I should go public with my book, or forget about it just like all generations of old have.
I'm sorry folks, when I hear other peoples stories, I have to speak out.
Love and Light to everyone involved in Adoption
Monday, April 26, 2010
Quite a Weekend
I had quite an eventful weekend! But all and all, it was superb! My weekend starts out Friday...
I have this wonderful friend, Renata. For the most part, I can drop by anytime and she is present for a wonderful visit. I drop by and she updates me on her newly adopted butterfly...
Renata is so connected with nature, the insects seem to gravitate toward her for nurturing. Last year, a baby praying mantis the size of a 1" sliver came in her space... if I remember correctly, it was the end of winter when we still are having snow storms... Renata had nurtured this praying mantis and shared with me the interesting facts that she learned from helping this unique creature from the insecta family. It grew at tremendous speed. She always allowed it his freedom... and one day when it was ready to be weaned... she never saw it again.
Well back to the newly adopted butterfly... once again, when we were nearing the end of our winter here in utah with snow still on the ground for most of the days, Renata had found this caterpillar crawling on the sidewalk beside her. She created a habitat for the thing and before you know it, the caterpillar is gone and a cocoon is in its place. Having no idea how to nurture a cocoon properly, she just does what comes so naturally to her and guesses what would be the best... She was so cute, she had sent me a video via phone of the cocoon moving...
So anyways... she reported to me that the butterfly had came out of the cocoon and was drying out its wings but sticking around unafraid of her. She had moved its open cage habitat in her room in fears that the butterfly was too vulnerable for the birds. She has now lost sight or knowledge of its whereabouts and cannot imagine what happened.
Friday night, I come home to realize that my Sexi Lexi, (chinese crested hairless mexican dog that i have had for 9 years) is not doing well. I am realizing I am going to have to put her down, she has been having blood in her bathroom business and I have been keeping her locked up in her bed area because she can't seem to hold her bathroom business.
Saturday morning I take my dog in and watch for the first time ever, something be totally alive one second and then seconds later take a last breath. I knew it had to happen, even though she seemed so full of life, I knew she had to have been in a lot of pain... For you see, I had mysteriously got a Urniary Tract Infection the same time my dear dog was having these signs... I couldnt help but to acknowledge the "coincidence ". I understood clearly how bad blood in your urine can hurt.
After saying goodbye to a dear sweet spirit that our family will never forget, I pick up my son from my sister's house, he has a basketball game.
I am feeling the pain from my UTI returning, but I refuse to miss another game of his. Getting ready to head for the door, I realize my mother is here, I had forgotten about her coming to watch Dallen's game. What perfect timing, always good to have your mommy around when you're not feeling well. We go to Dallen's game and the other team had to forfeit because their team arrived too late. The kids still wanted to play, so the teams still played and the scorekeepers stayed and kept score, but the refs went home. Folks, this was the best game ever, they all played like superstars! My son Dallen was making all these trick move layups and rebounds, they were passing amazing, working together as a team, they were so in sync with one another. They dominated with a score of 78-46. So glad I didn't miss this one!
My mother takes me directly to the doctor and my husband takes the children to Lagoon, (a local Utah amusement park). I was so grateful to have the company of my mother... but she exhausts me and I her. For the most part, we got along and agreed, but it never fails... eventually... the subject always turns to some disagreement of views and opinions. We have learned that we agree that we disagree and just cannot talk about it.
The subject... adoption... a subject I seriously am so done talking about, I am so done talking about it, that I cannot stand seeing or hearing about it. She disagrees and thinks it was a great marvelous thing and it is the Lords way... HOGWASH I cannot sit quietly and agree or listen to any of this. I turned out great because that is just the way I am, I would have turned out great even if I would have kept my child and raised him and I refuse to believe any different anymore. My first born son turned out wonderful and I believe he would have turned out just as wonderful especially if people abandon adoption instead of the birth mother.
I am being accused of being a "radical".
Homeschooling my 13 year old son Dallen, through K12 we are learning about all the "RADICALS" in 1965. Thanks to these "radicals" slavery was ended and laws were changed so the blacks had the same rights as whites. So guess what, I am proud to be accused of being a "radical". It takes us Radicals to get things changed.
So anyways, it's time for my mother to go and not a second too soon. lol I proceed to go pick up my new prescription. I'm waiting in the drive up, in my restored '67 Mustang, a car I have had since I was 17, with the motor off. And who pulls up in the slot next to me? None other than Jeanne, a lady in the neighborhood who has recently adopted newborn twins. Jeanne and I are always entering each other's space at the most bizarre perfect times... Here I am recuperating from a visit with my mother that ended with a little heated discussion about adoption and my truth that I will not sit quite about the side effects of adoption and I will continue to help others understand my plan to encourage mothers to keep their babies and have others understand the importance to not abandon the mothers, love them and help them raise their own babies by mentoring, loving and helping them... We know the other is there, but I am not in the mood to acknowledge her presence just as she is not in the mood to acknowledge mine. I can't help but to hear what she is there for, she is picking up a prescription for those new born babies of hers that she has recently adopted... a documented side effect from babies trying to adjust being taken away from their birth mother. They have such a hard time adjusting, most babies develop some kind of infection, breathing problem... something. I retrieve my medicine out of the contraption, start my car up and the song that starts playing, "I've got everything I want (almost)" Blues Brothers. I can't help get a huge grin on my face. I take all these events as a divine message that I am doing what is right speaking out.
I continue on to Ann Marie's house. Ann Marie is a dear friend from back in the day. Ann almost followed in my same footsteps back in the day. Back in the day, it was such the belief if you get pregnant as a teenager, you give your baby up for adoption. Up until six months along Ann was planning on placing her first born up for adoption... Until, her bishop educated her that all this baby needed was her love, everything else will work out. Ann kept her first born, a daughter, married the father and had a son shortly after with the same man. She is another one of my testaments that teenagers that keep their babies turn out great, as do their children. Ann was holding a barbeque in her son's honor. Ann Marie's son is leaving to go on a Tonga speaking mission to New Zealand. He has turned out wonderful, as has Ann.
Sunday, we go to the farewell at their church... and lo and behold... Dave Osborn, papa to those Shedaisy's and a papa of the neighborhood ward I had grown up in, is conducting Stake business. After hugging Ann's son a job well done, I was hugging a happy hello, how have you been, glad to see you to another wonderful person from my past, that knows me very well.
I do say, I had quite an eventful weekend! But all and all, it was superb!
I have this wonderful friend, Renata. For the most part, I can drop by anytime and she is present for a wonderful visit. I drop by and she updates me on her newly adopted butterfly...
Renata is so connected with nature, the insects seem to gravitate toward her for nurturing. Last year, a baby praying mantis the size of a 1" sliver came in her space... if I remember correctly, it was the end of winter when we still are having snow storms... Renata had nurtured this praying mantis and shared with me the interesting facts that she learned from helping this unique creature from the insecta family. It grew at tremendous speed. She always allowed it his freedom... and one day when it was ready to be weaned... she never saw it again.
Well back to the newly adopted butterfly... once again, when we were nearing the end of our winter here in utah with snow still on the ground for most of the days, Renata had found this caterpillar crawling on the sidewalk beside her. She created a habitat for the thing and before you know it, the caterpillar is gone and a cocoon is in its place. Having no idea how to nurture a cocoon properly, she just does what comes so naturally to her and guesses what would be the best... She was so cute, she had sent me a video via phone of the cocoon moving...
So anyways... she reported to me that the butterfly had came out of the cocoon and was drying out its wings but sticking around unafraid of her. She had moved its open cage habitat in her room in fears that the butterfly was too vulnerable for the birds. She has now lost sight or knowledge of its whereabouts and cannot imagine what happened.
Friday night, I come home to realize that my Sexi Lexi, (chinese crested hairless mexican dog that i have had for 9 years) is not doing well. I am realizing I am going to have to put her down, she has been having blood in her bathroom business and I have been keeping her locked up in her bed area because she can't seem to hold her bathroom business.
Saturday morning I take my dog in and watch for the first time ever, something be totally alive one second and then seconds later take a last breath. I knew it had to happen, even though she seemed so full of life, I knew she had to have been in a lot of pain... For you see, I had mysteriously got a Urniary Tract Infection the same time my dear dog was having these signs... I couldnt help but to acknowledge the "coincidence ". I understood clearly how bad blood in your urine can hurt.
After saying goodbye to a dear sweet spirit that our family will never forget, I pick up my son from my sister's house, he has a basketball game.
I am feeling the pain from my UTI returning, but I refuse to miss another game of his. Getting ready to head for the door, I realize my mother is here, I had forgotten about her coming to watch Dallen's game. What perfect timing, always good to have your mommy around when you're not feeling well. We go to Dallen's game and the other team had to forfeit because their team arrived too late. The kids still wanted to play, so the teams still played and the scorekeepers stayed and kept score, but the refs went home. Folks, this was the best game ever, they all played like superstars! My son Dallen was making all these trick move layups and rebounds, they were passing amazing, working together as a team, they were so in sync with one another. They dominated with a score of 78-46. So glad I didn't miss this one!
My mother takes me directly to the doctor and my husband takes the children to Lagoon, (a local Utah amusement park). I was so grateful to have the company of my mother... but she exhausts me and I her. For the most part, we got along and agreed, but it never fails... eventually... the subject always turns to some disagreement of views and opinions. We have learned that we agree that we disagree and just cannot talk about it.
The subject... adoption... a subject I seriously am so done talking about, I am so done talking about it, that I cannot stand seeing or hearing about it. She disagrees and thinks it was a great marvelous thing and it is the Lords way... HOGWASH I cannot sit quietly and agree or listen to any of this. I turned out great because that is just the way I am, I would have turned out great even if I would have kept my child and raised him and I refuse to believe any different anymore. My first born son turned out wonderful and I believe he would have turned out just as wonderful especially if people abandon adoption instead of the birth mother.
I am being accused of being a "radical".
Homeschooling my 13 year old son Dallen, through K12 we are learning about all the "RADICALS" in 1965. Thanks to these "radicals" slavery was ended and laws were changed so the blacks had the same rights as whites. So guess what, I am proud to be accused of being a "radical". It takes us Radicals to get things changed.
So anyways, it's time for my mother to go and not a second too soon. lol I proceed to go pick up my new prescription. I'm waiting in the drive up, in my restored '67 Mustang, a car I have had since I was 17, with the motor off. And who pulls up in the slot next to me? None other than Jeanne, a lady in the neighborhood who has recently adopted newborn twins. Jeanne and I are always entering each other's space at the most bizarre perfect times... Here I am recuperating from a visit with my mother that ended with a little heated discussion about adoption and my truth that I will not sit quite about the side effects of adoption and I will continue to help others understand my plan to encourage mothers to keep their babies and have others understand the importance to not abandon the mothers, love them and help them raise their own babies by mentoring, loving and helping them... We know the other is there, but I am not in the mood to acknowledge her presence just as she is not in the mood to acknowledge mine. I can't help but to hear what she is there for, she is picking up a prescription for those new born babies of hers that she has recently adopted... a documented side effect from babies trying to adjust being taken away from their birth mother. They have such a hard time adjusting, most babies develop some kind of infection, breathing problem... something. I retrieve my medicine out of the contraption, start my car up and the song that starts playing, "I've got everything I want (almost)" Blues Brothers. I can't help get a huge grin on my face. I take all these events as a divine message that I am doing what is right speaking out.
I continue on to Ann Marie's house. Ann Marie is a dear friend from back in the day. Ann almost followed in my same footsteps back in the day. Back in the day, it was such the belief if you get pregnant as a teenager, you give your baby up for adoption. Up until six months along Ann was planning on placing her first born up for adoption... Until, her bishop educated her that all this baby needed was her love, everything else will work out. Ann kept her first born, a daughter, married the father and had a son shortly after with the same man. She is another one of my testaments that teenagers that keep their babies turn out great, as do their children. Ann was holding a barbeque in her son's honor. Ann Marie's son is leaving to go on a Tonga speaking mission to New Zealand. He has turned out wonderful, as has Ann.
Sunday, we go to the farewell at their church... and lo and behold... Dave Osborn, papa to those Shedaisy's and a papa of the neighborhood ward I had grown up in, is conducting Stake business. After hugging Ann's son a job well done, I was hugging a happy hello, how have you been, glad to see you to another wonderful person from my past, that knows me very well.
I do say, I had quite an eventful weekend! But all and all, it was superb!
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