Saturday, June 12, 2010

Gifts at the Laundry Mat

I had an amazing experience at the laundry mat...

I have been busy packing up our house. We don't have any idea where we are going to end up yet, but we are to be out June 30th.

We have been renting for 2 years in a wonderful house that welcomed me and my family from the moment I set foot in the door.

As the universe would have it, this was just a pit stop for added healing for our family.

The home owners have decided they would like to move back and not proceed on the sale. As much as I have loved this home, I can see how it is time to move on.

Our family has moved often. My son likes to announce, "I have been to eleven school and I am only in 7th grade."... No, we have not moved eleven times... he just is pretty particular where he attends.

This home has been wonderful for our family. The ward and neighbors are the best I have ever experienced! I am so thankful for the Olsen's sharing their home with us. It is a true gift from them... to take a holiday from their home and have it be ours for 2 years... what a blessing for them to be able to return.

I have been looking and looking for the house that is to be our next home. The craziest thing... NOTHING is out there. All the homes are in foreclosure or short sales... which are not short at all,... We got 30 days!!! Even though we are prequalified, we are running into universe road blocks everywhere.

The house that we found that felt like THE one, fell through. At first it seemed ideal. It would be available the same time we needed and they would rent to us first to allow time to do the paperwork for the sale.

We pay the $35.00 for the credit check, its approved and then our honesty about having a dog sours the deal... No way, they have had a very bad experience having a tenant with a dog... We invite them to come see where we live and see how the dog is totally not an issue.

We offer to enter a contract to purchase the home after 6 months of leasing.

They counter offer stating... $10,000 down non refundable to go toward the sale, but forfeited if we didn't purchase after a year.

We accept...

And then they countered adding another $5,000...

We walked away from the deal.

I can not find any home available to us.

I continue to pack breaking down my house and today I am at the laundry mat washing large bedding. I am not very familiar with laundry mats. The only way I even know where one exists is thanks to Justin... Steve didn't want Justin's work clothes to be done in our washer. So, Justin obediently found a laundry mat close to our home and had asked me to drive him to the laundry mat so he could wash his clothes one time.

I couldn't recall how much it takes to wash a load or dry for that matter... I had collected eight dollars worth of quarters out of our jar and Steve had given me 2 quarters and off I went with no other cash than $8.50 in quarters.

I load up the washer and realize just to wash a load would be $7.50. Oh wells, I will just be able to dry for $1.00 worth. I sit down and read Doreen Virtue's, "The Light Workers Way". Enjoying nearing the end, reading how simple it truly is and realizing how much her words ring familiar and true to me.

The washer finishes up and I pull the comforter out and my first tug exposes a wet dollar. I instantly acknowledge this gift from the angels. It is a miracle, how a dollar would get in my comforter, that i had just stripped off my bed and loaded in the car.

I smile and thank my angels, knowing my stuff must need to take $2 worth to dry. Sure enough, I get over there and I need $1 more. I go to the change machine and it won't take my wet dollar. I go out to find a neighboring business to see if I could trade them a dollar, and they are closed... At that moment a lady came out of the laundry mat and I ask her if she has spare quarters in exchange for a wet dollar.

She happily whips out four quarters and asks if I needed more... for you see, the change machine had given her an extra dollar in quarters and she said she even had an extra dollar even if I just wanted to keep my wet dollar.

I thank her saying, "No, im good, here is my wet dollar. thank you so much."

What a wonderful experience at the laundry mat. How can I deny the gifts.. that dollar out of nowhere... the (angel) lady leaving the laundry mat appearing out of nowhere... the extra free quarters given to her from the laundry mat that she was willing to add to my pocket...

Such a pleasant experience... knowing that these wonderful pleasant friendly people I am always encountering... I do know on a deeper level than just this physical experience and we chose to say hello at the... gas station, grocery store, bank... or my favorite... the laundry mat.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Love and Light to ALL "birth" mothers out there.

Had a great Memorial weekend! We didn't go on vacation for once. We stayed home, cleaning and getting ready to move. On Monday, my husband has a new friend that invited the family over for a barbecue.

We had a really good time. Instantly, our families got along. Throughout our visit, I became clear on "their story". Their story is so parallel to our story in so many ways. One way in particular, I am a birth mother who has had a pretty successful reunite with my birth son. My husband's friend is an adoptee that has had a not so pretty successful reunite with his birth mother.

Throughout our visit, we were able to share the perspective of the other side... the view from a birth mother... and the view from the adopted side. I was thankful for MY situation for once... I chose to place my son up for adoption even though I feel I was brainwashed by societies thinking... I could not possible raise my baby being a teenager... even though my parents were comfortably well off... if I love my baby, I will give him a better life and place him up for adoption... I have had a hard time healing from, what I feel... my baby being legally kidnapped from me in the name of adoption.

But to hear about a birth mother who was a year older than me, 17, have no choice to keep or place her baby. She was taken to a home for unmarried pregnant women... left there by her parents (abandoned)... was not told that her baby was being placed because her parents signed her rights away to her baby because she was months shy of being an adult... after giving birth to her son and holding him with joy and love exploding in her heart as any mother feels... the nurses tell her that the baby needs a bath and takes him away from her... for her to never see again or even be able to say good bye.

It saddened my heart immensely to hear that the reunion did not go so well. The birth mother was a little too suffocating and too emotionally needy, it is too much for their family to welcome her in their life as much as the birth mother would like.

This saddened me even further. Being a birth mother and knowing firsthand how much I love my first born son that I placed up for adoption. Knowing how much I pine to cradle him, hold him, make up for lost time of adoring him, thinking... if I were that birth mother... I would be a wreck! I can barely handle the rejection from my son's adopted parents, but to even think of my son rejecting me and not allowing me be in his life as much as I presently desire to be in my son's life... HEARTBREAKING... not to mention that this birth mother totally had her baby legally kidnapped in the name of adoption.

The sadder thing about the situation for me... to hear how there is no understanding for the birth mother... the focus is always on the feelings of the adoptive parents because they were such devoted parents... and if the birth mother would have raised him, he would be basically a loser, supposedly.

My husband's friend had been adopted by a wealthy family and has been able to be provided for in every way imaginable... they don't realize... he would have been just as successful in life... probably even more so... because he would have had the unconditional love that comes naturally from the original mother... the side effects from the primal wound of being separated from your mother as an infant would not have affected him in life.

Even though I did not go on that subject...tonight... it totally dawned on me on how much this world needs to be brought awareness from the birth mother's perspective. There is only one difference in losing your child up for adoption and having your baby kidnapped... there is an unspoken justification that you don't have your baby because... it is "your consequence for your behavior".

The heartache and sorrow of your baby being taken away from you, is the same physical sorrow of any mother that has her baby kidnapped/taken/separated from her days old... but as a "birth" mother, it is not acceptable to honor your loss and feelings of pain and sorrow... because you brought the situation upon yourself.

I left the barbq with love in my heart for a birth mother in Connecticut.

I constantly question if I should go public with my book, or forget about it just like all generations of old have.

I'm sorry folks, when I hear other peoples stories, I have to speak out.

Love and Light to everyone involved in Adoption