Had a great Memorial weekend! We didn't go on vacation for once. We stayed home, cleaning and getting ready to move. On Monday, my husband has a new friend that invited the family over for a barbecue.
We had a really good time. Instantly, our families got along. Throughout our visit, I became clear on "their story". Their story is so parallel to our story in so many ways. One way in particular, I am a birth mother who has had a pretty successful reunite with my birth son. My husband's friend is an adoptee that has had a not so pretty successful reunite with his birth mother.
Throughout our visit, we were able to share the perspective of the other side... the view from a birth mother... and the view from the adopted side. I was thankful for MY situation for once... I chose to place my son up for adoption even though I feel I was brainwashed by societies thinking... I could not possible raise my baby being a teenager... even though my parents were comfortably well off... if I love my baby, I will give him a better life and place him up for adoption... I have had a hard time healing from, what I feel... my baby being legally kidnapped from me in the name of adoption.
But to hear about a birth mother who was a year older than me, 17, have no choice to keep or place her baby. She was taken to a home for unmarried pregnant women... left there by her parents (abandoned)... was not told that her baby was being placed because her parents signed her rights away to her baby because she was months shy of being an adult... after giving birth to her son and holding him with joy and love exploding in her heart as any mother feels... the nurses tell her that the baby needs a bath and takes him away from her... for her to never see again or even be able to say good bye.
It saddened my heart immensely to hear that the reunion did not go so well. The birth mother was a little too suffocating and too emotionally needy, it is too much for their family to welcome her in their life as much as the birth mother would like.
This saddened me even further. Being a birth mother and knowing firsthand how much I love my first born son that I placed up for adoption. Knowing how much I pine to cradle him, hold him, make up for lost time of adoring him, thinking... if I were that birth mother... I would be a wreck! I can barely handle the rejection from my son's adopted parents, but to even think of my son rejecting me and not allowing me be in his life as much as I presently desire to be in my son's life... HEARTBREAKING... not to mention that this birth mother totally had her baby legally kidnapped in the name of adoption.
The sadder thing about the situation for me... to hear how there is no understanding for the birth mother... the focus is always on the feelings of the adoptive parents because they were such devoted parents... and if the birth mother would have raised him, he would be basically a loser, supposedly.
My husband's friend had been adopted by a wealthy family and has been able to be provided for in every way imaginable... they don't realize... he would have been just as successful in life... probably even more so... because he would have had the unconditional love that comes naturally from the original mother... the side effects from the primal wound of being separated from your mother as an infant would not have affected him in life.
Even though I did not go on that subject...tonight... it totally dawned on me on how much this world needs to be brought awareness from the birth mother's perspective. There is only one difference in losing your child up for adoption and having your baby kidnapped... there is an unspoken justification that you don't have your baby because... it is "your consequence for your behavior".
The heartache and sorrow of your baby being taken away from you, is the same physical sorrow of any mother that has her baby kidnapped/taken/separated from her days old... but as a "birth" mother, it is not acceptable to honor your loss and feelings of pain and sorrow... because you brought the situation upon yourself.
I left the barbq with love in my heart for a birth mother in Connecticut.
I constantly question if I should go public with my book, or forget about it just like all generations of old have.
I'm sorry folks, when I hear other peoples stories, I have to speak out.
Love and Light to everyone involved in Adoption
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