Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I love my job

I love my job. It’s in the best location. It has the best atmosphere; people vacationing in total bliss away from it all, so happy to be in Maui.

I remember working weddings; the atmosphere was such a celebration of love… I had got that job the summer of 2005, you know, the first time I kicked Steve out. I didn’t have to go looking far for a job, my dear friend Cindy Caldwell, a wedding planner offered me a job upon hearing about my personal status.

At the time, I thought, “How ironic, working weddings, while my own marriage is dissolving.” But, I have always been one to roll with the current of life and this wave took me to a gorgeous sanctuary, Elegant Gardens. Working 40 weddings in one summer, obviously I was not meant to dissolve my own marriage just yet… for you see… by November 2005, I was back together with Steve living in Texas reuniting with our first born son we lost to adoption.

Currently, I have called it absolute quits and have dissolved the marriage for good… After 23 years I finally had enough. I sold my 67 Mustang and moved to Maui… Once again, I didn’t have to go looking far for a job… Dallen, Elden and I were walking back from Elden’s job interview checking out the harbor before we bus it back home, when we hear this, “Hey, do you want to go play with the dolphins?

I holler back, “Oh indeed we do, but we just moved here and we are looking for jobs, we have it on the bucket list for one of the first things we do.”

“Well hey, I’m looking for a Sunday and Monday girl.”

Which again brings me to… “I love my job”.

Let me just brief you on today. Well, let me first also mention… some of you may not know, my daddy Randy just passed away, he died two weeks after I moved. My first day of work was the day of his funeral; I had yet to shed a tear… until… today… AT WORK… haha.

I had been wondering why I haven’t had any emotion about him dying. I have been carrying on as if some stranger died. I had already grieved my daddy Randy dying in 2009 when he accidentally overdosed on his prescribed cocktail and they were able to revive him… Ya, I found out weeks later… when first hearing the message, I didn’t hear the “they were able to revive him” part because upon hearing my sister say, “Did you know that Randy died?” I had fallen to my knees, wailing like a Poly, shaking and screaming uncontrollably. After a good ten minutes of that plus my sister screaming through the phone, “No Keri, he’s alive he’s alive” I was so shook up, I couldn’t stop the shaking but was just as pissed that not one single person informed any of his children, ME BEING THE ELDEST!!! I told my sister “I have got to go, I’m calling that wife of his while I am still vibrating with shock before TOO much vile sets in!!!”

Of course, I get the answering machine and I am thrilled to leave a raging message… no interruptions while I state my upset and remind them I am his !@#$@# daughter !@# !@#$$!... Keeping my calm so they can hear my every word with the least amount of swear words for such a situation, especially when you remember I warned his wife about medicating him with pills instead of HIS medicine, marijuana. You can’t overdose on Marijuana. Pills shut down your pineal gland and numb you.

So, you see, I just chalked my lack of emotions to... I must have already released and processed him dying… Out of sight, out of mind (being a mother of loss in a closed adoption, I am a pro at this one)… I am away from all the family planning, which is a very good thing; I was a big enough bitch on my own facebook page. But folks, that is exactly as bad as I got; I carried on happy and joyful, enjoying every day to the fullest with no tears as if my daddy is free. .. After my few days of 20 minute facebook upset time, I grounded out the upset, and have carried out my days in the best of spirits.

People are hearing of my loss slowly and, for example… Heather, (the girl in the office on my right) who is very gifted… can even read minds… comes up and says, “Oh my gosh, you are handling this so well, I am so sorry, my condolences, I had no idea; you have carried yourself so beautifully.”

I explain, “I have already processed his death the first time it almost happened, you just can’t recreate that, genuinely”…

My job requires that I sit in my “office” (an open booth as you would see at a fair or rodeo) Not only is it located right where the tourist buses unload and has become a common event for the Asians to take pictures with me… (I love pictures and they must sense our likeness, not only do I jump in to “take a pic of the two of you” my booth is right where they first enter the harbor and so many take their first pictures right at my office… Dallen was teasing saying, “watch you will go visit Korea one day and find your picture in their books and on their walls.” … And in the laughter, I added what a beautiful sweet 20ish Korea girl yelled to me as she was walking away from interacting with me, “Your heart rocks!”)… I have the best office location, slip# 8.

The number 8 has been a magical number for me since we got here. First, I buy a car that came with license plates MMT 188. We named her Magical Moments, Magi for short. My first day on the job was the day of my daddy Randy’s funeral 8-8-2012, in slip #8.

Today, I was excited to work towards some rent money, Sunday being the biggest day for booking.

I enjoy my day interacting with the people; I am meeting more and more locals. First person to pay me a visit this morning was Tim. Tim is an author who substitute teaches while he writes. Tim had approached me yesterday, putting on an act of a successful author/lawyer/actor asking about private booking on our sailboat “The Island Star”… which was a total blessing in disguise; I hadn’t been trained yet on all the details of private parties. But come to find out he was using it as an excuse to invite me to Mr. Long’s Funeral Party.

Mr. Long is a celebrity like fellow that owns restaurants on the island and this Tim fellow had asked me to attend this celebration with him. When I declined and said, “I don’t go anywhere without my boys”.

He said, “Well, bring them along”. Still politely declining, he then says, “Owen Wilson most likely will be there.” Well, that didn’t change my mind and when I never showed up for the party, he showed up this morning, asking what happened, informing me that I missed out on a great time…“Owen didn’t show up but Fleetwood Mac gave everyone a show on the drums”.

Wow, I cannot wait to be an established local; I have already barely missed that Owen Wilson twice now.

As I continue my morning greeting everyone that walks by, this older gentleman is hailing a tripod and another stand thing. I have seen a man on the pier with his easel painting and asked, “Are you that guy that I have seen painting?”

He doesn’t hesitate to stop and have a lovely conversation with me. “No, this is a tripod. I photograph and film the local Monk Seals… Here, let me give you one of my DVD’s”. Dr. Martin took the time to stand and chit chat educating me about these seals that are residents here in the harbor. He continues to tell me about some amazing interaction he has had with these animals. He explains the seals, knowing them personally and sharing how they recognize and know him, showing off for the camera when they see him. What a lovely man.

Well, I had a lot of interaction with customers and I am always entertained so well watching all the different boats pull in… my kind of reality show… Lindsey the girl in the office on my left, hops out of her office and says, “I eat so well working here. I am going to go get some fresh sushi” Everyday, there is fresh fish filleting galore going on around 2:00.

I get near the end of my day and I start thinking, “I have enjoyed my day thoroughly, I love singing out, ‘Aloha’ greeting everyone. But that is not going to pay the bills.” I start questioning... I need to work on maybe getting a part time job until Whale Season... I work commission and I don’t get credit if the people I greet take my card after the spill and call back to book. I only get credit if booked at the desk. I hadn’t booked anything today. Right when I started pondering about money. A gentleman approaches my office; his father died a year ago and his father’s wishes was for his family to all go to Maui and spread his ashes in the ocean in Lahaina, his father had owned a restaurant on Front Street.

I give my condolences and offer, “My father just died as well. His funeral was just a few days ago.” He then shares how hard it has been and I explain how I think I am still in shock because I haven’t really teared up yet.

He sympathizes, sharing “It can take a while for it to set in, it’s been a year and I still have a hard time accepting it.”

While booking him a private raft for his family he asks my name for his records and says, “My sister is named Keri” and he proceeds to spell my name correct.

I celebrate and say, “I was watching to see how you spelled it, and yes that is exactly how I spell my name too.”

I then share, “I didn’t know they could do this, but they had arranged for a Harley Davidson Hearst with bikers escorting my father to his final burial spot.” With that said, it was like a button was pushed. The tears started welling up and catch me by surprise. I laugh, apologizing saying, “I am so sorry, I don’t know where that came from, so sorry, I guess I had some feelings stuffed in there after all.”

Douglas, loving my shared emotion beamed and says so tenderly, “Obviously, ones that needed to be expressed.”

We both laugh softly together, connecting on a level of sincere condolences for one another and I thank him for providing the safe soft energy to welcome the flow.

I was able to book something before the day was over and with it being a private party; it was a great booking for me that will help with the bills.

I couldn’t help but to connect the subtle but very obvious connection that my daddy Randy had to have orchestrated. I have questioned in my mind, “Do you think he even bothers coming and hanging out with me?” I tell everyone to come haunt me if you die before me. I don’t think I can count this as a haunting but I cannot deny my father’s presence on some level… especially because then on the way home telling Dallen, Dallen sees a rock on the road wall that had RANDY carved in it. I continue to tell Dallen I know grandpa Randy sent that gentlemen to me to trigger some tears that he most likely has been waiting for me to acknowledge from the other side AND gifted me a great booking for my commission.

After talking to Dallen and acknowledging all the eights in the space, I pulled out my Doreen Virtue Angel Numbers 101 book.

First, I look up my new house number… 209… “You’ve been praying about your Divine life purpose, and the answer is: “Walk confidently in faith, in the direction of your intuition and spiritual passions. Trust that you are fully supported upon this path”. WOW

Then I look up my car license plate number… 188… “Well done! All of your meditating and visualizing have opened the floodgates to increased financial flow”. DOUBLE WOW

I looked up 8 in the number book… “The number eight signifies abundance and prosperity. The endless loops in this number signify an infinite flow of money, time, ideas, or whatever else you require (especially for your life purpose).” Do I even have to say it, WOW WOW WOW.

Being on a roll, reading the universe, I proceed to look up cats… Three outdoor stray cats came with the house. I have never been much of a cat person, I LOVE dogs. But as the Lee, the landlord had said, “Those cats earn their keep, you have no rats.”

I get my Animal Speaks book by Ted Andrews. Cats… Mystery, Magic and Independence…

Well, it doesn’t get better than that! Especially, when you realize what we named our car, Magical Moments.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

The Day of My Father's Death

I am so very grateful that I am home in Hawaii. This island has received me well.

Yesterday, our new good friend Jeff was in town. He had a doctor’s apt at 5:00pm so he showed up around 10:00am to see what we were doing this weekend.

I tell him, “I was in the mood to go hiking in our backyard.”… Iao Valley.

Right at that moment, Jeff’s doctor’s apt calls and asks if he could come right now to get it over with and out of the way… Perfect! We can go hiking and play all day like a local!   

By noon, we are hiking up the needle. A great tourist spot… but… Jeff knows of a “shortcut”… which I have learned in my Daddy Randy’s language, means a groovy right on way to check something out. (And yes, Jeff does always say shortcut in the same meaning as my daddy)… We get to the tourist top of the trail and see a sign posted that says, “Do not go this way, stay on the paved trail” … you know one of those signs that my children have always thought were posted to notify them where the real way to go lies… Well, this was the shortcut Jeff spoke of… I loved the rebellious local act, that I now am, in front of gasping tourists.

We hike up on a well traveled path into the real hiking that I have been brought up with living in Utah.

The whole way, after we crossed over onto the local side of the hike, the boys and I kept commenting how much it feels like we are hiking at the cabin with Grandpa Randy because Jeff is so much like him and we are hiking the type of terrain he would take us on.

After the hike to the top of Iao Valley, we head to the beach near our house, taking the “shortcuts” so I don’t travel the tourist routes. This Jeff character is better than my smart phone navigator feature.

We get home and my daughter calls me and says, “Mom, Toni (my sister, who she lives with) is crying really bad, I don’t know what is wrong, something happened…”

While on the phone with her, Elden (my nephew who lives with me) comes in the room and informs us, my father, “Grandpa Randy died”…

Wow, okay, we were expecting this, but wow, it really happened. I love how we had felt like we were hiking with Randy at the cabin that day and it just so happened he died up at the cabin that day.

I seriously was shocked of my lack of feelings… But you figure, my father had already over dosed in 2009 and the paramedics were able to revive him. Now, when I had first heard of this… weeks after the factmy brother in law had ran into my father at the plumbing house and he had told my brother in law, “hey, did you know I died a few weeks ago?” and then proceeded to tell Russ the story of his survival. Well, when my sister had called me up she started and said, “Did you know that Randy died? And…” …well… I screamed hysterically and it took her a few minutes to be able to calm me down via phone to inform me that the paramedics rescued him but that wife of his didn’t bother to let us know, which is a whole other drama filled story, some other time…but is what I am trying to say… I seriously processed my father dying that day in 2009. I had sobbed uncontrollably and called his home, leaving a message on their home answering machine of my obvious upset of finding out two weeks after the fact that my father overdosed and no one bother informing his two daughters!

Well folks, one can’t recreate something as genuine of reacting to hearing that your parent has died… When it is a false alarm and then they really do pass, if you are like me, I had made sure I had apologized and tried to make things right. Even if he did not receive me, I have a clear conscience how I left it.

Interestingly enough, being the picture freak that I am, I did not bring one single photo with me… I brought everything on my little passport computer thing and laptop… My two copies of my whole life… but not one single photo, on paper, in the physical realm, did I bring… The only photograph that made it to Hawaii, was Grandpa Randy’s graduation picture that Dallen grabbed at the last minute.

For you see, Dallen is looking more and more like his grandfather every day... Dallen’s beliefs and truths are developing more and more like his grandfather’s every day… well the daddy Randy’s beliefs and truths that I remember them to be… After my father quit smoking weed, he found a woman that wanted to get married in the temple for all time and eternity, so…he had to take seven prescribed pills to replace what Marijuana was able to do for him…  I feel prescription pills and the religion ruined him. I felt a relief when I heard my father had died… He is free.