Tuesday, July 19, 2011


Im reading another numerology book, trying to crack my code. I have just entered my first personal year, I am a five, with a five destiny, with a one for attainment.

How about that... now I have just got to figure out what exactly does that mean.

I start reading what my husband, Steve, supposedly is.

Ya see, about ten years ago, we went down to get passports and there was a problem... my husband has the wrong day down for his birthday... "Excuse me..."

The universe has Steve down as born on the 26th... Steve, I included, and his family has celebrated his birthday since the beginning of time on the 25th. The lady at the counter tells us that it states that Steve was born on the 26th at 1 something a.m. Steve suggests that maybe he was born at 1 something p.m. which would still make his birthday the 25th... because how could a mother forget when one own baby's real birthday is.

The lady behind the counter suggested we get Steve's father to come down and sign that Steve was born in the afternoon and not later that night in the a.m. on the next day.

Steve's dad came and signed that Steve was born in the afternoon and we were able to get him a passport.

So anyways, back to me figuring out what Steve is... Without a doubt, Steve is a 4 not a 3... We have come to the conclusion that Steve was indeed born later that night in the a.m., on the 26th.

I'm taking a moment to sit outside and digest my reading thus far...

Hmmm... lies lies lies... all around us...

The one thing I absolutely can not stand... LIES.

I instantly see my daddy's raging face, in my mind's eye, when a lie is being told, found out or questioned... Now there is one scary, mean face... a face I also pull when a lie is being told, found out or questioned... Wow! Me and my daddy hate liars more than anything in this world... I got thinking... It is most likely because we both have been lied to so terribly, all in the name of adoption... Him, from the beginning of his time, and mine at the age of 6 and again at the age of 16...

Numerology... meaning of life... cracking the code... life purpose...

Mine is Forgiveness, that's for sure... Awareness and change... A voice for the world to hear.

Folks, to learn ... someone had to wrong... someone had to be the person to experience being wronged ... to be the person to know not to wrong ... and to be the person to experience and know forgive...

I love living in a reality generation ... it is what it is ... nothing good comes out of secrets and lies... the truth always comes out, no matter how dormant your able to let it lie... the truth will always eventually come out.

I am sure there are others besides the victims of adoption that also hate liars furiously. When one has been deceived; by a spouse, significant other, family, loyal friend, etc... it is hard to recover... You know what??? I think it is harder to recover from being deceived by society and strangers in the name of adoption. I havent quite yet recovered from that...

I obviously haven't been able to forgive them... Why... What does Im sorry mean??? It will never happen again.


Thursday, July 7, 2011

Glad to be Mother to those that will have me

The boys are off to Scout Camp!!!

Steve, my husband, had told my son Dallen, "Instead of hiking in Moab with the Scouts, we will just really go to Vegas."

Well, Dallen took him serious and had packed to go to Vegas.

I asked to double check his bags to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything. Dallen adamantly declined saying, "I didn't forget anything, you gave me a list!"

Being the wise mother to my 14 year old, I figure... if he runs out of socks... he runs out of socks.

I drop my son off to a friend's house to be able to hang before he has to go to "Scout Camp"...

Before the packing incident, Dallen and Steve would say, "I'm so excited for 'Scout Camp'" they were having a little too much fun with it sarcastically...

When I pick up Dallen from his buddy's house, his buddy says, "Hey have a great time in Vegas." I think nothing of it because I am used to Steve's humor, "Instead of hanging in Moab with the Scouts, we will just head to Vegas." I just assumed Dallen was sharing the humor.

Without connecting the dots of Dallen's sly way to cover why his buddy said 'Hey have a great time in Vegas.'... Dallen says, "Ya, all my buddies call my house Vegas."

"Really? Why?"

"My mom has purple hair, my dad is crazy, my sister is extreme, I have a black brother and I am, well, look at me, I am ME... Our house is chill and fun... so they just call us Vegas."

"Hmmm"... folks, I did not connect these dots until just moments ago! LOL

This morning, I get the husband and son out of bed. I nag my husband to get packed and loaded while offering to make him breakfast or assist him in any way.

Dallen has it easy, he already packed last night before going to buddy's house.

I take the liberty to just take a small peek just to make sure he has enough socks. I open the bag... "Dallen, it looks like you packed for Vegas... unacceptable... and you have no socks... get this repacked."

I hand him his bag and he wouldn't let me assist him... 'He's got it!'

I finally get the boys out the door (late) and next thing I know, they are back again. I ask, "What did you guys forget?"

Steve says, "Dallen packed for Vegas!"

I called Steve a bit later to make sure they checked in and were on their way. Steve was not happy about going to Moab and couldn't believe I was making them go.

Of course my 14 year old is not going to have a good attitude about going... not to mention many of his buddies were saying they wished they could of gone.

My sweet innocent little 6'1" fourteen year old is on the cusp... he is a lot like my husband... they are really good at being good...BUT... they are really good at being BAD.

I text my husband, "I wish I could have gone in your shoes! I know I would make it a memorable experience for my son that would be a total brick that builds his foundation as a FINE YOUNG GODLY MAN!

That is the last I have heard from them.

Justin is back for a visit... love that 25 year old black boy of mine. His dear mother has shared her beautiful son with me for five years now... the same amount of time I have had my first born son in my life... Justin's mother passed this year. Justin was planning on coming for my first born son's wedding but instead of attending a wedding, Justin was attending a funeral... Isn't that ironic.

It has been very nice having Justin, as always. Justin is very protective of me and does not tolerate Dallen talking disrespectful to me. I seriously feel he is an angel that comes for visits to watch over me when I will be needing him most and he loves all of us so unconditionally.

Which gets me thinking of that other kid of mine that another mother shares with me, Sidnee Liah. It never fails... when our family needs extra love because of the intense energy our house can escalate to, I get the sweetest phone call, "Mama Keri, whatcha doing today?" God bless for Sidnee Liah!!! She calms my 12 year old daughter and can get her in a really happy good mood.

And that brings me to that FIRST one of mine... that FIRST one of mine is out of my space for right now. I feel he needs a break from me... He has taken for granted that he is an adoptee that has found his mother... and that is all I will say about that.