Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Aspects and Perspectives

I was getting ready this morning w/iPod on shuffle like I love to do… The song “Short People” by Paul Newman comes on and my husband Steve starts chuckling and says “I remember this song! ... I think it was on Captain Kangaroo sung by a short person! ... Funny!!! I always knew I would be tall.” He says all confidently.

I get excited being able to share and explain my newfound knowledge to him… “Well, what a great creator you are! You created you being the tallest in your family.” Thinking inside, of course he would want to be the biggest, tallest loudest human in his family. His perspective from 0-5 years of age is being developed just as everyone else’s at that age and from Steve’s perspective he needed to create someone who would be noticed, seen and heard.

I proceeded to explain to Steve what I have just learned from Gary & Elizabeth… some very educated intuitive good friends of mine, whom you can find at The Cosmic Spiral on 9th and 9th… When a newborn is born they have full use of their whole brain… the brain has full knowledge/some may say that there is no veil… but they are in this physical body that is completely helpless; they can’t walk, talk, or even feed themselves let alone clean themselves… The brain takes the first five years of this body’s life creating aspects and perspectives to actually create what and who WE are!

For example… when I had my first born son, (whom I lost to adoption), I kept him in my hospital room every second for the two days I had him. My mother was the one to give him his first bath; I had passed out from too much blood loss but by the next day I was conscious and requested him to be by my side constantly until the day came that I couldn’t.

Knowing this information about the brain and realizing this helpless infant is creating which 23 chromosomes from the father’s DNA it is going to develop and which of the 23 chromosomes from the mother’s DNA is it going to develop, ultimately creating who they will be by using this ingenious brain developing its aspects and perspectives creating us to be just who we need to be... makes you really analyze the events from the birth of a child, what events happen in that child’s first five years and how they all have contributed to who he (along with all of us) became.

For the first 72 hours of my son’s life the first face he saw was mine and my mother’s; my mother giving him his first bath. My son was able to experience his every helpless need being met by me and my mother. I also had some aunts from my mother’s side come for a visit. Even my daddy Randy had made the trip from California to hold his first grandson. These people were the few selected, along with my sister, to say hello just to send love and say goodbye.

My point being… My helpless baby boy was gathering his perspectives and aspects of this loving scene that was as reverent as a funeral. Being December 23-25, I could not ignore the similarity to the Virgin Mary giving birth to her baby Jesus with a sacrifice in mind for the world… My numb, blank, calm, in shock, walls up, guarded feelings assisted me to act in dignity to do what I was told was best… sacrifice my first born son to strangers… I now have witnessed firsthand how those brief 72 hours has created a son who looks so much like me with strong dark features like my daddy Randy along with strong features from my mother’s side of the family.

Imagine being my son for a moment… 72 hours later, he is put in a nursery, taken away from that beautiful woman with blonde hair and blue/green eyes; that woman that was always smiling with strong love into his eyes, meeting all his needs, making his first moments on this earth an easier transition … you know, his mother, me.

He opens his eyes; she is gone… he cries because his needs need to be met… some stranger comes and meets his needs; but where is that lady that was so familiar and comfortable for me, the lady with the familiar voice and smell? … So many unfamiliarity’s… all of a sudden at once… until finally this new lady is looking all lovingly into his eyes, but he is still looking for that first lady with the blonde hair and blue/green eyes where he felt so much peace and love reverently, never crying (even down to not being circumcised, lol… there was no pain he experienced, while in my care).

This new lady is feeling rejection from the baby who wants that first lady. This
baby with this full knowledge and function of its brain, inside of this helpless physical body who can’t walk, talk, or even feed itself let alone clean itself; struggles to get to that first lady… have you ever taken a bottle away from a hungry baby and have seen the raging fit?

I have witnessed this firsthand how the rejection from this beautiful newborn, that any mother could love, feels… Remember, I have a bonus daughter and I have experienced such rejection when she would come over to visit; dropped off by her mother as a newborn. When my bonus daughter got to missing that beautiful first lady, her mommy, I always respected her cries and rage; calling her mother immediately letting her know that her baby misses her and we need to get her back to her asap.

I understood and respected the raging screaming fit, subconsciously knowing that is what my baby had to have done upon my relinquishment and replacement. I have since then witnessed many adoptive mothers be challenged with the rejection of their newly adopted baby; taking it personal that the baby rejects them but accepts the new father clinging to him while keeping an eye out for that first lady that is not coming back.

From then on, my son’s perspective and aspects of how to get his needs met and create who he is by what he has been exposed to and figuring out on his own with that full knowledge slowing shutting down/veil thickening; gaining more and more physical control of his body as well as accumulating emotional upset that is inevitably manifesting, creating exactly who he is in this first five years of his life.

My son, created himself; just as we all have created our own selves; being the creators that we are… just like Steve creating the tall silverback that he is.

After I get done having this wonderful deep insightful conversation with my husband following me absorbing every word ~ getting it… I notice the song that has been playing, “Touched by the Hand of God” by New Order… for me, that was the icing on the cake; confirming to me that I get it.