Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Evolving to Better Choices, Better People

We are evolving at tremendous speed. I just finished an article in Time magazine about those young computer genius'... the 15 yr old creator of Napster, (to name one of the four pioneers) which led to Limewire which has led to Frostwire... yes, I'm talking about Music/Video/Movie piracy. I am guilty of pirating music off of the internet but I also buy many CD's, Books and DVD's.

We are evolving in all areas. Scientists are putting computer message boards with Rat DNA... I personally don't understand how in the world they could do that, even though I understand the computer sends messages just as a human brain sends messages... it is not my expertise, science, I have always found too over my head.

It is wonderful how we are passed down all the memory throughout time through our DNA and ancestor stories. Definitely no scientists in my family line.

How wonderful to have our ancestors and special people before us who have shown us how to deal with life better, whether it be by good example or bad... I personally learn better from the bad.

How wonderful for all those people that led life one step ahead of me to show me how life turned out for them by making the choices they made... There have been improvements of the choices to make...

Back to Napster... it was a pioneer for entertainment sharing... starting out as an innocent idea... quickly, turned into piracy. The young man who innocently started this capability for entertainment sharing via computers, now works with legit companies using his knowledge to help with such things as being able to download what we have purchased over the internet, making it as user friendly as it would to pirate. Win/Win situation.

Adoption... it was a pioneer for reaching out, helping family, sharing... starting out as an innocent idea...through all those pioneers before us, making choices, seeing how all the choices turned out...

How wonderful for the internet in so many ways, we can compare our knowledge on any subject matter and evolve to better choices...LOVE ONE ANOTHER ADOPT THE MOTHER

Saturday, December 4, 2010

It's As Simple As Crayons

Putting things in simple terms, not only helps 5 year olds, but helps us grownups as well. The older I get the more I realize how nice it is to have little ones ask so many questions to help them understand this world around them, which in turn makes us think to be able to explain for them to understand.

I picked up my bonus 5 year old today with my 11 year old daughter. They are getting so excited for the holiday season... so many parties... so many people coming together to celebrate Christ's birthday. As I am answering what all the party plans are, Kirah and Sidnee are worrying if Sidnee will be able to attend these parties, "will she be here on that weekend?"

I answer, "I will have to look at the calendar, but no worries these parties are my family not dad's"... I am Sidnee's bonus (step) mother.

"Oh" they both chimed...

"Why is it different?" they ask. They have felt the difference, but why IS it different?

I explain to them, "It's like Dad is a blue crayon, I am a red crayon and Sidnee's mom is a yellow crayon... that makes Kirah, Dallen and Kai purple crayons and Sidnee a green crayon... we are all crayons, but some crayons go really well together and some crayons don't."

They both totally loved how simple that made it. I continued to ponder this crayon analogy metaphor to adoption and step parent families. Kai is a purple crayon that was raised by orange crayons... he has a bit of red in him as does orange... but orange is such an opposite color of purple being made from yellow/red instead of blue/red.

In my own life, let's say my mother was a blue crayon and my father a red... making my sister and I different shades of purple... as my children could be considered; Kai being a dark shade, Dallen a medium shade and Kirah a light shade... as is their hair and eyes, Kai's are dark, Dallen's are medium and Kirah's are light... My mother divorces my father and go finds her a yellow crayon to marry and he brings his daughter, an orange crayon, to come live with us. Growing up I had my mother/red, my step father/yellow, my older sister/orange and my younger sister/purple and me/purple.

I remember how conflicting this picture was with the different colors to paint this picture. I loved going to the red or blue family reunions/parties but I hated going to the yellow family reunion parties. I felt so out of place with all these shades of yellow.

I have always offended with my honesty of being a different color and wanting to color with my own shades. But when you are here to figure out what pictures you can paint with your shade it is helpful to have similar shades showing you.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Dedicated to Laurie aka adoptive mother

This morning, my daughter... who has stayed home from school... calls me in and wants me to sit with her while she makes some people on her wii... I'm sitting with her, she says, "I'm making Aunt Karen"... It was interesting how I could see why she made Karen look that way considering the lack of options... Kirah continues to show me all the other family members she has created... What a treat to see how my daughter views the people important in her life, and to see who is on that list.

I say, "you should make Mama and Papa B"... Folks, Mama and Papa B are the adoptive parents who adopted my first born son. We have been reunited with my son for 5 years now... it has not been easy... but we will go into that another time.

Kirah quickly responds and says, "I know! I have been wanting to!"

We continue to create Mama and Papa B.

During the creation of Mama and Papa B via the wii, it came to me...

"Kirah, just think... if Mama and Papa B started their relationship with us the way I am trying to teach people to understand, Mama and Papa B not only would have a special relationship with Kai, (my first born son), they would have a special relationship with you too."

"Oh yeah, they would be more like an aunt and uncle! that would be cool!!!" she exclaims.

I say, "No... check it out... If Mama and Papa B lived down the street or around the corner; started this relationship and mentorship with me, a teenager that just found out she was pregnant and wished she had someone besides her mother to co-parent with"... it would have been great to have a strong father figure to help be in this mentorship/partnership with me, my husband and our future children.

Kirah following me, wanted to hear more...

For you see, if I felt safety with the B's that their best interest is to help me, the mother, raise my child and build a genuine interest in me... being there for me like I am there for Becky, (Becky is the mother of my bonus 5 year old daughter... it has been just as I dreamed it to be... but we will go into that later) I would have been able to count on them to be there for me unconditionally, trusting them to not judge me but to love me, believe in me, help me without any strings attached... no expectations.

Looking back on my life seeing the path I took, putting Mama and Papa B in my life along side me... I think is how I would plug them in my life is just as Becky has plugged me into hers... I would have Mama and Papa B have visitations every other weekend; Friday after school until Sunday whenever the child wishes to come home or when it is convenient for the two parties. Plus every Wednesday after school til 7ish and sometimes Monday if we are missing the other. Being the mother, I would want my child every holiday, as we honor with Becky, but we would make arrangements to go to Mama and Papa B's house as one does with grandparents, taking my kids on vacation if they so choose, all together or individually for better one on one time with each of my children. Do it just as Becky does... call when she needs extra help, whether it be picking her child up an extra day after school so she can go to court, shop, family emergencies, doctors apt, vacations, whichever it may be, I never judge...

I would have had a very lovely relationship with Mama and Papa B that would have continued still today. I would have maybe wanted to change the visitations eight years later when I was on top of my game... but still having them be like a special grandparent to my child and children to come. During the time of invetro with Kirah I could of used their help with my other kids and would have continued to use their help instead of hiring a nanny after Kirah was born. If I had felt safety with them and confident they would not threaten to take my children away and be there to mentor with me, believe in me, I would have most certainly kept their relationship in my life all the way up to now... it would be one big happy family they are involved in, accepting all of us into their home instead of only Kai because of adoption.

After I explain all this, Kirah got a huge dreamy look on her face and said, "That would be way cool..."

I left her room to get mopping floors and thought of the few people I am offending by sharing my thoughts, visions, dreams... Laurie, thank you so much for bringing it to my attention as to what I really mean by LOVE ONE ANOTHER ADOPT THE MOTHER.