I have been studying angels and how things work down here on this dimension, earth. I have to share with you my most fabulous recent discovery.
The teacher was sharing with us, "Spiritually, we are all just equal. Spiritually, I am no one's mother".
That got my attention, I am constantly confused with my own feelings on the subject "mother". What defines a mother? Being a "mother" that lost my first son to adoption, I am constantly struggling with my deep "mother" feelings that I have for my first son whom I have been reunited with for four years now. I thought when I said goodbye on Christmas Day in 1986, I would forget about the whole incident.
I was programmed through the adoption agency, "There is no bond between mother and child. A child bonds with the mother who cares for him. As long as his needs are getting met, it doesn't matter who is meeting them."
I said goodbye and never forgot about the whole incident.
I always carried a prayer in my heart to meet again, confused as to what I would be to him.
The teacher continues; "Physically, this body (pointing to herself) is my son's body's mother. This body of mine knows everything my son needs. Our body is like a computer. No other body could mother my son's body better than my body."
Folks, do you know how much I loved hearing this!!! That is my truth! My truth that I struggle to tone down. It is so unacceptable for me, the "birth" mother to acknowledge this strong motherly love for my first born son.
I recently read a post on FauxClaud's blog "Yeah I'll bother..."
So glad you did!!! I loved all of the comments that supported my true feelings of this motherly bond I have with my son that I only got to hold for 3 days. I must quote a post that was posted by anonymous, "i parented my surrendered child for 4 days in the hospital... is there a time limit when we are called parents? So a woman who delivers a stillborn infant, is she not a parent? Is a woman who buries her child who died at 2 days old... is she not a parent? I AM MY first born son's mother. I took very good care of him during my pregnancy, HOW DARE YOU DENY ME THE TITLE OF MOTHER!!! I took care of him in the hospital and made a decision when he was 4 days old that changed his whole life. I regret that decision. However, only a PARENT could have made that decision."
I recently have returned from a weekend getaway to Vegas. Just my husband and I, no kids.
I am just starting to break away from the younger kids beings they are 11 and 13. I have not ever spent time away from my younger two... another side effect from placing my first born up for adoption. While I was away missing my children, I realized... "I miss all three the exact same. I don't miss my younger two more because I have changed their diapers and wiped their noses. I pine for my younger two at the same level I ache for my oldest."
I have been accused of pining for my first born too much and overlooking my two beautiful children that I have at my fingertips.
Well folks, yes I have had my younger two at my fingertips... but as soon as they are out of arms reach, I pine for them just as deeply.
I soon started analyzing my relationship with my parents. My parents consists of my mom and step dad that has raised me since I was 5 and my daddy randy. When I have gone a while without seeing my step dad, whom I love and adore, it's like going a while without seeing a great friend... good to see them when you finally do, but no worries. When I have gone a while without seeing my mom and daddy randy, it is a physical withdrawal... I pine to see them.