Saturday, January 23, 2010

treat me like your daughter not the ex wife

it's amazing to me how people enter my path in the way that they do. last night i went to a wedding reception. it was for a friend of the past's daughter. let me go into how i got reacquainted with this friend of my past...

this ward that i live in is magical. the theme..."small world". i am surrounded by ward family members from my past. not only is the relief society president my piano teacher from when i was in 6th grade; all the payne's are here (another family that i had grown up with); one of my car pool kid's mom that lives 5 houses down is the sister of a dear friend of mine from the summit park ward; and now a dear friend from my herriman ward has arrived. her youngest is a few months older than my son. my son and her son were one of each other's first souls to meet as a buddy down here on earth.

we didn't stay long in herriman. 10 months after my son was born we moved to cottonwood heights where we lived for 8 years. after that, we were divinely placed in texas until we returned to those beautiful mountains in utah.

this herriman neighbor of mine from the past, moved to this mountainside the same time we did. we were not aware of this until... magically, our ward boundaries were requested to totally be changed. the outcome of this... I WAS RELEASED FROM MY CALLING AS THE GOSPEL ESSENTIALS TEACHER hallejiah praise the Lord!!! and we were reacquainted with our dear friends from a ward family from our past.

well, back to my original story... last night i went to a wedding reception...

it was this friend's daughter that was getting married. they threw the wedding in a few weeks time and it was important to me to support them in this. it was a busy day for me and i had been running from one thing to another all day long. i had time to squeeze this reception in, but i only had time to dart in then dart out. i pull up to our church and the parking lot is full.

i am extremely impressed with the support they received, beings it was so all of a sudden. it just shows how supportive they themselves are to others.

right when i walk in, i see a family from our herriman ward.

folks, when i see someone from my past...i acknowledge you like we were best friends. i keep a certain connection with people that have been in my space. as you age, you realize how connected you truly are to all these people. kids that you went to school with from elementary - high school, neighbors, teachers, and even in my case...principals. lol

so anyway, this person from 13 years ago... recognized me too. so we instinctively hug (because that is how i am), say hello and catch each other up.

well, let me fill you in on the past that i did not realize until too deep into the subject to back out...

when we were living in herriman, i was trying to get pregnant and eventually did invetro and was blessed with my 2nd born son, 1st to be able to raise. well, when you are going through experiences in your own life... you tend to take notice of others that are in similar boats. and sometimes, we even take notice of others as a forewarning of whats to come without even connecting it until years later. and then when we connect

well, this lady had a natural child of her own, she wanted to adopt and had an opportunity to foster a young child and possibly adopt.

thats when we moved...

so im updating her on my moves since then and how we were divinely placed in texas... we have been reunited with my son i lost to adoption for 4 years... and how divine it was to meet up with our friend that we have in common.

she looks overloaded with the information that i just spit out in a matter of minutes.

i look to the long line and am about ready to excuse myself to go butt in line somewhere to be able to get out of here.

she then asks me where do the adoptive parents live...

"well, when my first born son realized he could not live without me...which is a step in the reunion healing process... the parents graciously sold their house in wyoming and bought a house 10 minutes away from my house."

"how is that going?" she asks with a sickened look on her face. she is starting to look extremely uncomfortable with our conversation, looking fearful, skittishly looking at im connecting... adoptive teenage daughter that has taken too much interest in our conversation.

i then calmly reply, "they treat me like the ex wife. instead of treating me like their own... my true belief as a 'birthmother', they should have treated me like their own daughter from the beginning. they should have befriended me in the beginning and mentored with me helping me raise my baby, loving me as their daughter and be thankful for the wonderful opportunity i gave them to be such a huge part in our lives... by them treating me like an ex wife, they are missing out. i have two other children that i would share with them. love is huge. there are families with ten children and you dont see them unable to share the love around."

i continue testifying, "the bond between mother and child is so amazingly strong. stronger than i ever imagined. you think you relinquish those feelings and connection, but you don't... how i dealt with losing my child to never happened my baby died, it never happened my baby died... then here he is standing before me... it never happened my baby died...but here he is... it never happened my baby died... but here he is. it has been very hard to pretend it didn't happen and even harder to pretend i don't love him as much as i do. i have finally freed myself of pretending, i wrote a book and claim him out loud and proud."

i then ask her, "didn't you foster?"

she quickly answers, pointing at her daughter "yes and then adopted her because she was taken away from her birthmother because she was not safe."

i then tell her, "the truth is always better knowing than pretending you're just a perfect little natural family. i think that door should always be open to the 'birthmother'. is the door open to the 'birthmother'?"

getting very defensive she projects, "i would if she wasn't a harm to my daughter. i do have contact with the extended family though."

"well, time heals all."

"yes, im sure your relationship with the adoptive parents will work out for the best."

she then hurriedly excuses herself saying they had to go and i proceed to another familiar face that happened to be at the front of the line, divinely saving me a spot to be able to get out of there in the perfect timing i needed. i go through the wedding party congratulating and head for the door to get back home... directly in my path... that same chicki that had excused herself obviously to escape my clenches...haha. panic is on her face as she sees me i walk by, i happily, full of joy, give her a loving stroke on her shoulder and say in my joyful singing voice "hello hello." and continue out of the building.